there are too many things

...that you could think about in this world. And there are too many things that you might want to do but never get to do. And there are too many choices to make that it comes to a point that you might not even want to choose anymore.

I always feel strangely contemplative when I get sick. I don't know why that is...well I guess I do but sometimes...loneliness has the power to overwhelm you.

the feeling of being alone...

I can guarantee is the worst feeling in this world. Despite the presence of friends in your everyday life, there's no denying that you are alone when all you have to come home to is an empty room and the knowledge that no one's waiting for you.

Even though it's been three years already, having been used to come home where your family is all those previous years before is something that you would always tend to long for. There's no denying that there will be times when you want some time to yourself and I wouldn't deny that sometimes when I go home, I wish I were back here instead where I'm all alone...but...

company is company...

...and there's no better time to want some when you really need some. And I really wish my mom was here to take care of me...but she's not. And I really need to get used to that. I should get used to that. Because growing up means having to let go of all the constant things you used to rely on for strength...it's the only way to learn to stand on your own and be strong all on your own.

At the end of the day you'll always learn that you have to do things on your own. Think about things on your own. And ultimately, make all those daunting decisions on your own. Because no one's going to be there all the time to do that for you. We all are and all will be at some point in our lives...

all alone.