perilous thoughts

I've been harbouring some perilous thoughts lately.

Most of them about life and how sometimes, it's just so unfair...

Some of them, I reluctantly admit, were spurred by a microscopic fit of envy. But doesn't everyone envy someone else or something else once in their lives? Doesn't everyone wish that they were someone else sometimes?

Social constructs are there from the very beginning and we have been living them from the very moment we started to learn. And now it leaves me curious.

How much of what we believe are what we truly believe and not just because everyone else believes them. You may think strongly about something. But this may have only been because you have grown to believe something else and your mental faculties can't simply accept that they do in fact, exist. This leads me to wonder if social influences can go so far as to corrupt emotions. Can you feel so strongly about a certain thing when you've only been raised to believe it? And how can you be swayed to feel otherwise and is it even possible to change?

Change in the monumental sense is a big ugly scary monster that's a spawn of fear. They say sometimes change can be good. And maybe that's all I need right now, in this moment, of my life.

This year is a time to reinvent.

But to reinvent what exactly is the starting point in this journey to a hopefully not so dark cavern of consciousness within my head.

Photo Source: http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/219/d/d/On_the_Cliff_by_Seetho.jpg

It's the first day of another new year.

I am writing for a completely foreign reason today and not the usual reasons that compel me to blog. For your curiosity to peruse, they include the following:

1. A very strong emotion [anger, sadness/depression, happiness(rare)]
2. Inspired by something I saw or happened or read
3. Done for someone
4. Had a strong sense of desire to write

Today, as I write this, I am not compelled by any of the enumerated reasons above. I simply just decided to blog. Just cause. And albeit I'm feeling slightly forced while typing this, it is for a new cause. And no, I'm not writing this in celebration of the first day of the new year but simply because it is the first day of the new year.

I've been contemplating what to write about for some amount of time already. Not to mention I've been re-writing this entry for a number of times in that same amount of time as well.

Scanning quickly through this blog I've noticed that I've been very diverse in my writing styles. Each one seemingly written to fit the mood I was having when it was being typed then published. So, I'm thinking of trying to simply blog transparently this time and leave the cryptic thoughts and poetic tones for some other time when I'm experiencing a
somber mood.

...and with this I've decided to write about the most widely practiced tradition every year: writing a New Year's Resolution List.

Honestly, I've never been a true practioner of that particular social protocol. Not that I have anything against it. Maybe it's just because I've always been bad with keeping my own promises. Most of the time I try my best to abide by them but towards the end, the promises that were always strictly kept have always been for other people but never for myself. In retrospect, that reflects negatively on me but that's who I am.

Lists are great I suppose. Every person needs something to look forward to doing, reaching, achieving, and whatever -ing that gives us our own individual reasons to live life. But even lists aren't for everyone.

It's no surprise that every social practice and belief that people subscribe to differ in varying degrees and with different weights of significance. And it happens that I fall into one of those unofficially classified categories where lists aren't so important and helpful in any way at all.

Not that I've never tried writing a resolution list. I have...I think. It wasn't really effective I guess since I only have a vague memory of having done it and I suppose none of what was ever written was even remotely accomplished by yours truly.

I've always liked reflecting on things. And I guess I do that more than a lot and maybe moreso than many people I know. I'm a kind of analyze-the-situation-to-death type of person. But when I don't want to think, I don't think at all.

Which is why a resolution list never works for me.I mean, writing the list in the first place takes some amount of reflection and thought process. And I know that mine have never been well thought off making it plain useless, pointless, and forgettable.

The point that I'm trying to make, I guess, is do what works for you. Seems kind of lame and general and maybe even oddly cliche, I know. But for me it's a good thought to keep in mind always; no matter what you decide to do.

And for the very first day of the year, I won't write a list that I need to accomplish for the year. I only want to resonate a simple and short reminder to hopefully tide me over whatever challenges I might face in the coming months.

Do what works for you.

Photo Source: http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=new%20year&order=9&offset=24#/dg5d9o