is when you feel so alone.
No man is an island.
and I belatedly realize that this is the second time I'm blogging about this. Though it feels like it needs to be said more than once.
No one ever wants to feel alone or be alone. Ever. Yet the saddest thing is that when you're feeling down and ready to give up on the world, you realize that no one truly cares about you. And right now, that's exactly how I feel.
It's a bit morbid to blog about or to even think about. Not to mention, bold, considering that this entry is public. Most people don't feel too comfortable and open in admitting thoughts like these. In all honesty, I am as well.
As I type, I'm having second thoughts about whether to publish this or not. Then again, a positive side to publishing this is that an anonymous person who chances upon it could read my thoughts. And someone could actually care for a moment if not empathize. Even if it's just for a moment.
The truth is, everyone has a selfish side. When you're feeling down, you actually expect the world to feel down as well. The fact remains however that that's just not how life is. And seeing other people having fun and enjoying makes you feel even worse.
It makes you feel more alone.
Sometimes it's wrong to let yourself drown in that feeling. Sometimes, all you want is some little confirmation that you actually mean something to the people who mean something to you.
All that they're really capable of is feeding you some temporary bullshit when what they really care about is being a friend; they don't care about you. It's respectful and even expected to show concern but at the end of the day, it's really not their fucking problem. What they do is social protocol and if there's none then I bet they'd just leave you alone to deal with it because really, they don't care. Most of them are really just obligated to. That's how I feel.
It's really just the ultimate basic fact in life. Everyone's selfish. In your own world, there's only I and the rest are just little specks of inconsequential beings.
Then again, people just have to give more credence to the statement "The truth hurts" as more people realize it.
And it really does fucking hurt.
I know the right thoughts that I should be thinking. But it doesn't really change what I'm feeling.
